A Matter of Head
by Asuka Kureru
Summary: SasuNaruSasu, NarutoSakura friendship. Sakura and Naruto talk out Naruto's ...ahem... relationship problems. COMPLETE.


**A Matter of Head.**

Author: Asuka Kureru (askerian (at) hotmail (dot) com)  
Pairing: SasuNaru- NaruSasu, some one-sided SasuSaku, fluffy NaruSaku friendship.  
Genre: Humor, fluff, implied naughtiness. ONE-SHOT, COMPLETE.  
Warnings: R-rated for talk about sex.

Disclaimer: These characters and the world they evolve in don't belong to me. They belong to Kishimoto Masashi. I only lay claim to the plot and my own interpretation of the characters.

* * *

"He's such an inconsiderate, selfish _ASSHOLE_!"

Sakura looked up to see Naruto slam the door of her apartment closed. Her blond teammate was fuming. He started to pace on her carpet, alternating between growling and pulling on his hair in frustration.

Sakura sighed, and closed her book. "What did Sasuke do again?"

"Nothing! That's the problem!"

Sakura winced. She hoped that the neighbors were out. "Naruto, what exactly are you talking about?" She didn't add 'this time?', tactfully.

"Sex! I'm talking about sex and the selfish son of a bitch taking and taking and never giving anything! Well, apart from his dick, oh yeah, he'll give me that, but as for the rest, HAH!"

There was no cry of outrage from upstairs, so Sakura allowed herself to relax a little, though she couldn't do much about her blush. She knew better than to ask Naruto to stop pacing like a herd of angry elephants and sit down just yet, though; too bad for the family who lived downstairs.

"Uhh. So he never, um, you know..."

Naruto was still so incensed that he didn't seem to take notice of her red face and the way she slumped low on the couch, as if to hide.

"Let me fuck him? He'll switch with me if I nag him long enough, but he never offers on his own, and then he just mostly waits for me to be done. Sometimes I think he would only stop being a dead fish if I managed to tear him up by accident or something. As for blowjobs -- hah! Oh, he never says a peep when I feel like going down on him -- I mean, it's fun to try to make him react, you know? -- but he'd rather die than do the same for me! Like he's just so superior and it's normal that I get on my knees!"

Sakura valiantly pushed away the tenacious mental picture trying to form in her head. "How do you know that? Maybe he's just shy about it--" (Naruto snorted) "--or he doesn't know how to and he's afraid to look stupid; you know how he is."

Naruto scoffed loudly. "HAH! I've sucked him off often enough that he should be able to give a damn good show -- even without his stupid sharingan eyes!"

Sakura's brain paused and switched tracks in mid-reply. The Sharingan... used for sex.

She wondered if that "learning anything on sight" trick worked with videotapes too.

Not that she owned any.

But Ino probably did.

"But no, he won't even give it one little lick -- it's barely if he'll give me a reach-around when he's doing me up the ass! Fucking inconsiderate selfish bastard." Finally winding down, Naruto paused in mid-diatribe, and then winced as he gave Sakura a worried look. "Uh. Sorry, that might be too much info..."

Sakura grinned painfully widely, waving her hands. "Oh no! Not at all -- I mean we're friends, right?"

Now he looked apologetic. "But I don't want to rub your face in--"

"Naruto! You're not rubbing my face in anything. Sasuke-kun likes boys and that's it. I was never in the running."

She allowed herself a few seconds to sigh and let her shoulders slump in disappointment and the memory of her first heartbreak.

"It's been a while now, I've gotten used to it -- and you're my best friends, both of you, and I want you two to be happy. So you can tell me anything, I promise I don't mind. Well, not much." Not as long as she stayed the first girl in both their hearts... and as long as Naruto kept her informed.

She was not a voyeur. Merely... well, curious.

Okay, somewhat gossipy. That was all, really.

"I thought you were, um... Versatile?" she ventured, twirling a lock of hair around her finger in embarrassment.

"Versawhat?"

"That you... didn't care about top or bottom any more than you cared about girl or boy?

"Yeah well, the point is that I like both! I already sacrificed girls for him, damn it. I'm not about to sacrifice my last chances of sticking my cock in something. But no, mister Uchiha Sasuke is too good to lower himself to that!"

A pause.

"Okay, he's. Well. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm the first he ever let... You know. And yeah, I kinda... notice that he's not -- we're not... doing it often. But anything else -- bleh."

Inner Sakura supplied the missing words. And an image of Sasuke's narrow hips and tight, muscled buttocks. And another image of Naruto, that time he had fallen over the wall separating the men's pool from the women's at the onsen.

...Maybe that was why Sasuke didn't want to bottom too often. Because, well, um.

Inner Sakura also wondered if she could tell apart the soreness and stiffness of a good sparring session, and the soreness and stiffness of another kind of sport that was more often played in bedrooms.

But then this was Sasuke; maybe he enjoyed both -- OH, DUH. Why hadn't she thought about it before? Scratch that, why hadn't NARUTO thought about it before?

"So, uh. You want to... um. Have ana-- intercourse more often? With you... on top?"

Naruto's anger had abated enough for him to slump at the other end of the couch. He scratched his neck, pretending he wasn't reddening. "Yeah, but well, no, I mean, we still do that too, sometimes. But -- sureyoudon'tmindokaysorry -- I'll be damned if he ever gets his mouth anywhere close to my dick. Even on accident."

"Um, did you tell him that?"

Naruto huffed loudly and slumped against the back of the couch. "Of course I told him!"

"And, um, how? You know he can be rather... sensitive."

"Difficult, you mean."

Sakura gave her teammate an impish grin. "Well technically I mean he can be a bit of an uptight, prickly jackass. But yes."

Naruto snickered with her, and then sobered up. "Well, um, I hinted. A lot. He pretended not to get it."

"Are you sure you weren't too subtle for -- oh, right."

Naruto made a face at her. "Yeah, right. Subtle. I think I was subtle like a brick to the head. He kept weaseling out of it without saying a word. And then, well, I said, I'd like if he would. I was even polite, and everything!"

Sakura allowed herself a disbelieving look before nodding. "Alright. You were... polite. And what happened?"

"He distracted me with other stuff. Once he was done eating his ice cream, that is. That utter prick."

Inner Sakura supplied the shape of the ice-cream, the way Sasuke's tongue had probably flicked all over it, the way his lips had, in all likelihood, followed, and even the taste of his mouth afterwards. Bad Inner Sakura, bad! Go to my room. Err.

"And then?"

"Next time I asked him again -- I even said PLEASE!" Naruto screeched, throwing his arms up in frustration, "And what did he say?"

"What did he say?" she asked dutifully.

"NO! That's what he said. The NERVE. Just like that! 'No'. End of discussion. Asshole."

"Ah. And that's when you got angry and...?"

"Not even. That was two weeks ago." Naruto gave her a long, disgruntled look. "I want this to work out, you know? The two of us. Otherwise you'll kill me," he added with a quick little smile. "So I've been trying. Trying real hard."

Sakura reached out and patted his hand comfortingly. She was still surprised at how many concessions Naruto was ready to give, he who usually never compromised on anything. "I'm proud of you," she teased him gently, patting his head.

"Thanks, Sakura-chan."

They kept a comfortable silence for a few seconds, side by side on the couch, and then Sakura nudged him gently. Mushy moments were nice, but she wanted her gossip too.

"...No, I got pissed because I told him that if he couldn't give me a goddamn reason why not, then he had better use his tongue a bit or he could go without sex for the next month."

Sakura winced. Their libidos were about equally matched, and she wasn't sure either of them would be able to hold on until the end of the ultimatum anyway. But Naruto was the one more likely to lose his resolve first, if only because with Sasuke, pure spite always trumped everything else. "... What did he say?"

Naruto growled, kicking at a pillow that had fallen on the floor. "That I'd come begging before he did. And then he locked himself in the bathroom and JERKED HIMSELF OFF. And he was LOUD. You know how loud he is usually? NOT AT ALL, that's how much. I have to try my best to make him _gasp_, and there he was, moaning and grunting and doing weird stuff with the showerhead."

Sakura wondered if Naruto would notice if she used her book to fan herself a bit.

"Naruto... When you told him that you wanted oral, what did he say?"

Naruto glowered at the wall. "No."

"No, I mean, after the 'no' -- you must have answered something, right?"

"Oh! Yeah, I don't really remember what."

"But what did he reply to that? Do you remember?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. "Hnn. 'Why don't you make me, if you can'," he sing-sung in a bad imitation of Sasuke's voice.

Sakura closed her eyes, and, in her head, simultaneously congratulated her instincts and insulted Naruto for missing the not-so-subtle message by three miles.

"... What do you think I can do, Sakura-chan? I kinda want to talk about it with him, but I always end up saying the wrong thing and he never gives me an inch and it always ends up in a fight. And then we just pretend to forget about it and we don't even talk about it."

Now Naruto sounded miserable. Sakura patted his arm again, giving him a commiserating look.

"Naruto... I don't think he expects you to talk him into it."

Her teammate gave her a sullen look. "So it's hopeless, he's made up his mind, that's it? I should give up?"

Sakura kicked his shin. "Hell no."

"Ow!" Naruto rubbed his shin, watching her warily as he inched toward the other end of the couch. Wuss; she hadn't hit him that hard. At least now he was ready to listen.

"What I think he expects from you," she replied with deliberate, careful slowness, trying to ignore the flush spreading down her neck, "is to wrestle him to his knees and fuck. His. Mouth."

The silence stretched between them, as the idea traveled from Naruto's ears to his brain and made its nest there.

And then Naruto was on his feet again, aghast.

"What! Are you kidding? That's not -- I can't do that! It would be like -- like rape or something!"

Sakura winced. Silly boy; he was so sweet to be so concerned, but he was missing the point. "Naruto... When he wants a fight -- a real fight, but not a bad fight, I mean; a fight where he wouldn't mind winning or losing so long as there's lots of brawling -- what does he say?"

Naruto paused, blinked. "Uhh... He insults me."

"And then?" she added patiently.

"...I insult him back?"

"And then?"

"He sneers and says something even worse. And I get real pissed and... Tell him to take it back...?"

She nodded. He was getting closer. "And when you tell him to take it back? What does he say to that?"

Naruto stared at her with an air of slow epiphany blooming on his face. "... 'Make me, if you can'."

Sakura decided to keep her triumph modest. "So what makes you think that his meaning is different this time?"

There was a moment of silence as Naruto, presumably, pondered the likelihood of that explanation, and Sakura pondered the hotness.

"But I don't want to -- I mean, I couldn't stand it if I forced him, and he didn't -- what if you were wrong?"

"Naruto. If I'm wrong, you will know right away, because he'll be trying to use his Chidori on your head. But as long as he doesn't fight back seriously..."

"...Maybe..."

"Don't worry so much, alright? We all know that you would never truly rape anyone, especially not him. You will be able to tell if he really hates it, you just have to pay attention. It's just rough sex! You know him, anything he does must be done the hard way. Especially," she added more softly, "the things that actually matter."

And if it mattered to him to give oral -- um. Yeah.

"... You really think that he's waiting for that?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

"Don't you trust me?" she replied with a grin.

Naruto smiled slowly in answer, and jumped back on his feet. "You're right, Sakura-chan! If he doesn't kill me, it means it isn't rape and he's just a stubborn asshole with issues who can never ask for what he wants!"

"... I couldn't have said better myself."

Naruto paused at the door, his hand on the handle. "But I can't start right away with oral, what if he's angry enough to bite my dick off!"

Ack! She couldn't be foiled, not so close! "...Start with humping and work your way up?"

"Great idea! Thanks, Sakura-chan!" he hollered as he ran down the stairs.

"My pleasure!" she shouted back after him, and giggled like a guilty schoolgirl as the neighbors from upstairs kicked the wall in protest.

"Now where did I put my camera," she muttered to herself as she looked through her apartment. From the corner of her eye, she saw the blond running down the street, and, grinning, leaned out of the window.

"Naruto! Remember, if he loves you, he'll swallow!"

* * *

The End.


End file.
